I miss my discipline.
I miss everything I used to be.
I had a look on my old posts... Posts from 2011.
3 years ago I was just 16. And I was so proud to report I had just a 100-cal-day.
When I look in my diaries, there are calorie-notes and comments on bodies:
22. 06. 2008
"and sometimes I just want to close my eyes and lapse into a coma [...]
I hate my body. There´s flesh everywhere. fat flesh. and more fat."
It is just so touching... It makes me sad to see, that a 13-year-old writes something like this.
But at the same time it shows me, that ed was always a part of me.
Everything is just so weird. so so weird. the people, the feeling, the circumstances.
everything... I am weird.
I just wanna go back to London. Everything´s better there.
Everthing. Even my miserable self.