Freitag, 14. November 2014


I dont know what to say. what to write. 
I miss my discipline. 
I miss everything I used to be. 

I had a look on my old posts... Posts from 2011. 
3 years ago I was just 16. And I was so proud to report I had just a 100-cal-day. 
When I look in my diaries, there are calorie-notes and comments on bodies: 

22. 06. 2008 
"and sometimes I just want to close my eyes and lapse into a coma [...] 
I hate my body. There´s flesh everywhere. fat flesh. and more fat."

It is just so touching... It makes me sad to see, that a 13-year-old writes something like this. 
But at the same time it shows me, that ed was always a part of me. 

Everything is just so weird. so so weird. the people, the feeling, the circumstances. 
everything... I am weird. 

I just wanna go back to London. Everything´s better there. 
Everthing. Even my miserable self.  

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