Freitag, 19. September 2014

Don't ever think of recovery again

My day is just horrible. I just want to start cutting my arms until they're completely red. 
Fuck all people. Fuck this life. Fuck everything. Damn it!
But I wanna start right from the beginning before I get more into details. 
This day started ok. I have gained weight because of yesterday but I reckoned it so it was actually no big deal. 

I was watching Gilmore Girls and when Sookie cooked, I realised "food = life". That was the reason, why I ate actually quite a lot of food. 
But when my mom came, we started arguing and it got really ugly. And I mean really really ugly. 
She kept yelling at me and when I shouted back, she freaked out. 
Our argument lasted for at least 20 min and when I wanted to go outside she told me, that there are going to be serious consequences, if I leave the common meal. I hate everything!

Everything is going to change tomorrow. 

Donnerstag, 18. September 2014

Day 4 - in pictures

Breakfast: 1 banana, 1 date, 10 baby carrots and 3 cucumber sticks (I couldn't eat all of them) 

Lunch: 2 cups of soup 

Dinner: Salad with a oven-pommes fritz  

Dessert: 3 chocolate covered vegan biscuits & 1 vegan ginger bread 

This day was such a disappointment, I can't even describe it in words. The only thing that comes in my mind is FAILED. 
Congrats :) 

My mom asked me today what I ate which is kinda odd because that's something she actually never does.
Unfortunately we started argueing when we came home, so everything is weird. 

I only had 2 cups of coffe today and I'm desperate to get a good cup of coffee but it's way too late to have one :( 
PLUS I couldn't workout today (and I have just burned 550 cals so far) so I'm a little afraid of gaining weight. 

I would describe my life as unstable right now. I have nobody to talk to (besides a few bloggers and Joe) and idk I feel like I actually want to die. Not in a depressive way. It's more like sleeping for a long time and see how things develop, so there's no need for me to actor think... 

But maybe it's just because of the university excitement idk 

Love all of you 

Mittwoch, 17. September 2014

Day 3 - in pictures

Breakfast: this was actually just a part of it... I had this soy cappuccino and peep-soup but I forgot to take a photo :/

Lunch: I had 3 dried prunes, half-handfull peanuts, 0,5 cookie, 1 anise-drop & 2,5 tbsp of soy yogurt 

Dinner: I had abut 10 of these carrots & a few raisins 

I somehow hated this day because I had this feeling of being full all the time and at least I wished to have hunger --> eat and then get hungry again instead of this chaos of eating I did -.- 
But I worked out for about 60 mins, which is quite nice I guess... 

The plans for tomorrow: 
My mom wants me to go to a friend of hers and she will be baking tons of food... Man I'd really wish to have a completely successful day... But I'm making the decisions, right? 


Dienstag, 16. September 2014

Day 2 - in pictures

Breakfast: 1 apple with cinnamon & coffee (I just ate the half of it) 

Lunch: veggie stock & 1 slice of vegan salami and 150 gr soy yogurt with 1 tsp peanut butter & coffe 

Dinner: I had to eat a little of the leek-rice-carrot-dish my mum made because she kept complaining about me not eating the dish though she was cooking vegan + a few grapes  

Today I was at a introducing-appointment. It was quite nice. There was this girl Antonia whom I talked a lot and maybe we will be in a few courses together. :) 

Tomorrow I'll be out with the girls for breakfast... I'm really hoping to find a fruit bowl because a) it's raw and b) I'd really like not to fail at this diet tomorrow...

Bye for now 

Day 1 - in pictures

Breakfast: 1 banana with 1 date & 20 craisins & 1 coffee

Lunch: 1 coffee & 125 gr of soy yogurt
Dinner: 1 vegan Falafel-Wrap & water 

This day unfortunately wasn't like I expected it to be but tomorrow is going to be better! :) 
I haven't done excercises but I walked for about 3 hours... 
Total calories burnt: 725 cals 

Good night lads 
See you tomorrow!

Montag, 15. September 2014

Forget about all this shit

So what can I actually say? 

I had good phases of recovery & very bad relapses (about a thousand times...)
I have lost 10 kgs & as you can imagine this is not nearly as much as I actually want to loose..
I´ll start studying in August & one of my biggest fears is to be the fattest persons. I registered to a beginners-course, which is tomorrow. (Yey! SHIT HAPPENS!) 
Well... there is a second, 4-day-course, which airs on Sep, 29. 
countdown´s on ladies!

  • VEGAN 

I will try my best to blog regularly. 

Loads of love