Food in my stomach

I hate love food 

亻外不祥

The following 2 weeks are those, where I have to write my finals and I'm already stressed out like fuck! 

Besides being really busy I often feel so lonely. Right now in bed I just hate everyone I know and don't want to have any kind of contact anymore. But on the other hand I would really to have a few people around me who understand! 

Or at least who make you forget for a little time. But both are at least 2 hours of a bus drive away... So I will have to wait 2 weeks... It's just two weeks right? 

Instagram & pride

I created an Instagram account to photograph the food I'm eating and to motivate myself to stick to the HCLF-lifestyle. 

My name: highcarb_fitness 

Pride. It's like poison. 

It may change the way you think or act. 

I have been thinking about it a lot lately. 

The end of a very good friendships starts  to bother me after 4 months.

There was lots of criticism on me because of giving up a friendship so easily in the past couple of days and now where I can see clearly again I'm thinking:  maybe I was just too proud to understand? I don't know I really don't now... 

But after seeing Christina & Meredith hugging each other after a rough day on greys anatomy I had that feeling for the first time... Pain. 

Happy New Year

Short Update: 

Ate way too much in the holidays and gained weight but it's ok, because I had the possibility to discover what I actually did wrong. 

So the things I changed: 

1. I eat every 5 hours 

2. I drink more water (again) 

3. I eat highcarb and mostly vegan 

4. I have quite big portions but not as big as on rawtill4 (2500+ cals are obviously not made for my body)

5. I am working out again...

Of course there are days which are not as they were supposed to be (e.g. On Sunday I had a huge brunch, dinner, big size popcorn at the cinema and midnight-food) but this is a journey and as long as I get better and stronger every day it's going to turn out for good :) 

Better days are about to come

Breakfast: 1 Pear, 30 gr oats, 100 ml choc soymilk & coffee

Lunch: 1 slice fitness bread & 1 rocher 

Dinner: 1 slice of veggie pizza, potatoe salad (just ate half the portions of both) & 3 cookies 

Today was horrible... I purged. I just had this horrible feeling (after trying some baked goods I couldn't handle it, purged and ate dinner afterwards to prevent an binge) 

I trained 850 cals off. Sports really do make me happy but it had that kind of bittersweet taste today... I had the feeling of training so hard because of the cals. Today my ED had definetly more control over me but tomorrow is going to be better! :) 

So excited due to the shooting :o 

Love s 

Food today

Breakfast: 2 Big slices of whole wheat bread with cottage cheese and veggie spread, 2 eggs, 0,5 apple, 1 mandarine 

Snack: 25 gr dark choc

Lunch: / 

Dinner: 

Cooked potatoes with spinach, champignons and tahini 

Apple-soy yogurt-applesauce pafrait with granola on top + coffee with choc soymilk 

Night snack: 1 pear & 1 mandarine 

I had my breakfast quite late today, so I had no lunch... 

I'm really happy with how the day went today :) I didn't purge *_* (like yesterday :( ) and I didn't even had the urge to purge... My portions were alright and I did a great workout today: I had a kickboxing trial session :)) I really liked it but idk if I wanna get a member yet... 

Did some stretching and now my bed is waiting for me. 

XXX 

Not so good

I forgot to take photos the last couple of days - today too - but to start this whole "good-diary" again, I thought it would be helpful to post what I ate (at least the photos I haven't forgotten to shoot) 

Disgusting looking, but absolutely delicious breakfast: 30 gr oats, 5 gr tahini, 80 gr applesauce and huge soy cappuccino with 100 ml soymilk 

Lunch: champignons with spinach (I had a medium - big size portion of potatoes afterwards cause I still felt kinda hungry) 

Dinner: I actually had 2 huge bowls of soup but then I had to have a donut... The one lead to another... So I had a few cookies and this all ended up over the toilet...

Late night snack: 

I feel kind of sick so I'm having these and I had about 1/4 of a "breze" 

I wasn't able to exercise today because I felt absolutely shattered... 

I got my period (was a bit worried cause they're 2 weeks late) and I never had so much pain... The worst thing was me freezing all the time: I had 2 tops, 2 hoodies,1 scarf, 3 pairs of socks, 2 blankets, 2 hot-water bottles and the radiator on (24 degrees) and I was still cold.

I have NEVER EVER experienced something like this and I really hope that this is not going to be "normal"

Uuum yeah that's all for today... 

Tomorrow is going to be better :) 

Good night y'all ❤️💋❤️💋❤️