Better days are about to come

Breakfast: 1 Pear, 30 gr oats, 100 ml choc soymilk & coffee

Lunch: 1 slice fitness bread & 1 rocher 

Dinner: 1 slice of veggie pizza, potatoe salad (just ate half the portions of both) & 3 cookies 

Today was horrible... I purged. I just had this horrible feeling (after trying some baked goods I couldn't handle it, purged and ate dinner afterwards to prevent an binge) 

I trained 850 cals off. Sports really do make me happy but it had that kind of bittersweet taste today... I had the feeling of training so hard because of the cals. Today my ED had definetly more control over me but tomorrow is going to be better! :) 

So excited due to the shooting :o 

Love s 

Food today

Breakfast: 2 Big slices of whole wheat bread with cottage cheese and veggie spread, 2 eggs, 0,5 apple, 1 mandarine 

Snack: 25 gr dark choc

Lunch: / 

Dinner: 

Cooked potatoes with spinach, champignons and tahini 

Apple-soy yogurt-applesauce pafrait with granola on top + coffee with choc soymilk 

Night snack: 1 pear & 1 mandarine 

I had my breakfast quite late today, so I had no lunch... 

I'm really happy with how the day went today :) I didn't purge *_* (like yesterday :( ) and I didn't even had the urge to purge... My portions were alright and I did a great workout today: I had a kickboxing trial session :)) I really liked it but idk if I wanna get a member yet... 

Did some stretching and now my bed is waiting for me. 

XXX 

Not so good

I forgot to take photos the last couple of days - today too - but to start this whole "good-diary" again, I thought it would be helpful to post what I ate (at least the photos I haven't forgotten to shoot) 

Disgusting looking, but absolutely delicious breakfast: 30 gr oats, 5 gr tahini, 80 gr applesauce and huge soy cappuccino with 100 ml soymilk 

Lunch: champignons with spinach (I had a medium - big size portion of potatoes afterwards cause I still felt kinda hungry) 

Dinner: I actually had 2 huge bowls of soup but then I had to have a donut... The one lead to another... So I had a few cookies and this all ended up over the toilet...

Late night snack: 

I feel kind of sick so I'm having these and I had about 1/4 of a "breze" 

I wasn't able to exercise today because I felt absolutely shattered... 

I got my period (was a bit worried cause they're 2 weeks late) and I never had so much pain... The worst thing was me freezing all the time: I had 2 tops, 2 hoodies,1 scarf, 3 pairs of socks, 2 blankets, 2 hot-water bottles and the radiator on (24 degrees) and I was still cold.

I have NEVER EVER experienced something like this and I really hope that this is not going to be "normal"

Uuum yeah that's all for today... 

Tomorrow is going to be better :) 

Good night y'all ❤️💋❤️💋❤️

Fhenduedbdja

I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday and I just realized (once again) what an amazing person she actually is... My therapy will end on 12.12.2014 and the idea of not seeing her again makes me almost cry. I love her. I really do and I just can´t imagine a life without her anymore.
It´s not the therapy, it´s her... :(

I asked her to borrow me some vegan cookbooks and she brought them yesterday. And she just didn´t brought them...She gave me one as a present! I was so shocked, because I didn´t expected it...

What Else? I managed to do a wrong move and now I can't move my neck... That's the reason why I'm in bed till 2 days, unable to do anything but eat... 

Apropos eat: my dad had a serious conversation with me:"you are not eating enough! That's the reason why your muscles aren't working properly" and all this kind of shit. So I had to eat yesterday and today which SUCKS!!!! 

I hate myself for this and aaaargh I am so mad right now. 

I decided to start posting what I have eaten the whole day... I think it'll help me to get the "control" back 

Xxx S 

Fail

I failed yesterday and today! And it's clearly visible what these two days have done to my body! :( 

#currentmood

connections

I dont know what to say. what to write. 
I miss my discipline. 
I miss everything I used to be. 

I had a look on my old posts... Posts from 2011. 
3 years ago I was just 16. And I was so proud to report I had just a 100-cal-day. 
When I look in my diaries, there are calorie-notes and comments on bodies: 

22. 06. 2008 
"and sometimes I just want to close my eyes and lapse into a coma [...] 
I hate my body. There´s flesh everywhere. fat flesh. and more fat."

It is just so touching... It makes me sad to see, that a 13-year-old writes something like this. 
But at the same time it shows me, that ed was always a part of me. 

Everything is just so weird. so so weird. the people, the feeling, the circumstances. 
everything... I am weird. 

I just wanna go back to London. Everything´s better there. 
Everthing. Even my miserable self.